(12th) Article on Compulsions in Mental Health: (Chapter No.12 Final):

So, they'll just go around and talk about something they hate, So, that you can say: yes I hate that too and they're like: I feel so relieved that you hate that bad thing I hate. I'm so supported but it is really toxic and unhealthy. It's up to you like what I always say is what would you rather build? What would you rather create? So, I like if somebody like I can think of situations where that used to happen a lot. Where I realized it was something that I used to do as a compulsion. So, I was like okay I am not going to do this anymore and I am not going to engage with it and so then it is about getting proactive and like well.

Where do I want to take things instead and so it could still be you know someone says, whatever that's terrible maybe like maybe that person is terrible? There's no more conversation to have the thing, I would rather talk about and so stepping in because, I found, I was very passive in conversations because of all the social anxiety. So, I always wanted to see what other people liked because I liked whatever you liked and I didn't take conversations places because I was afraid to take it somewhere because what if other people don't like it. Where I take the conversation and I want to do whatever they like, so it really helped actually to start to be very proactive in conversations and take them places.

 So, just like that person you know wanted to take the conversation to something really unhealthy. You can see that so take it someplace healthy waterman, asked I have learned that we have to do things with value but you ever struggle to find things, you actually value. I feel like this is something, I have seen many people ask about one thing is the idea of like that you actually values are directions or like compass directions. We are navigating this wilderness of life and we have never been in this wilderness before, I would say like most of you have never been alive before this is your first-time welcome congratulations. On your first time being alive and you don't know, what's going to happen there are some tips we can get from other people, who maybe have been to places that sound appealing to us. So, that me we may want to go so we are often borrowing suggestions from others on values but that's very much. What it's about? It's not about like, I have got to find these perfect values inside of me because the values may change too. It's about navigating a wilderness, so of course, the wilderness is going to change too.

 You know if I am crossing a lake, I might really value paddling my canoe but then after we cross that lake. If we come to a mountain and say well I value paddle it going to paddle up this mountain and i'll really struggle. So, it's always about looking at the context in which we find ourselves and where we are and then what's going to help us go in a direction we want to go and that's something, we're going to try. Because, often it's a wilderness too, so often we'll pick a direction. I am going to try this direction we may find it leads to a swamp and so I think that's a huge part of values when we look at these normal things. So, when we look at these normal compulsions over here people probably at the start and even into the quirky section would say that they valued this stuff I value always.

You know being top of the class always being seen as others is like the most capable. I value being on top of things, you know,  I value other people seeing me as a good person or an attractive person, I value being productive and being the most motivated absolutely. These are like things people you know, I value like good music things, like that people would say they value but eventually they see they end up in the clinical side. They see what that direction did to them they see where it took them and then we realized. Yes, this thing that I valued it leads into a swamp that direction, I thought, I wanted to go. It actually leads to a really bad place and so now I know now, I know that okay those things that I used to value weren't actually useful to me. But we don't know until we've explored that part of the wilderness or we share about them, that's also why we do this so we share about this stuff and then we can see. That' I'm in the normal stage right now but now, I know where that path leads, so what if I pick a different kind of value and go in a different direction and I'll try that out.

Like we don't know, where it'll lead to but we try we'd be curious. I have been working on a values course and I have been like, squeezing it in that's one of the things, that I value doing. When I have had some free time. But one thing I always tell people is just started by picking three so even that exercise I mentioned earlier, I said see yourself as a garden right everybody can do that exercise today. If you're a garden what are three things that would nourish you. It's going to really help you to value those in your life and say okay like here are three things that, if I have them in my life it helps me thrive and do the things, I want to do in life. So, I need to get proactive with those not waiting until something goes wrong and then being like, I should really have this in my life everybody, as you're exploring this or enjoy. Because this is our first lives this is a wilderness all we can do is approach it with curiosity and compassion. (END)

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