(3rd ) Article on Compulsions in Mental Health: (Chapter No.03)

I could spend hours thinking that, weather, I would set my alarm and then check that I would set it and then reset it, and check again and then set two or three more alarms because I was certain, I could be certain they were set. In my house, I double-checked every appliance, lock, and plug. I was always searching to make sure I had everything I wanted with me.

 I was observing around to see if other persons have also concentration on me. To be sure, I checked my memory of conversations over and over again. I hadn't said something lewd or done anything immoral. Checking how I smelled, and checking and checking, but it was just part of the training. I built my brain on a firm base of completely natural, socially appropriate conduct, checking the checking like the verifying. How, I smell became a huge compulsion and like, I would you know eventually it got to the point.

Where, it would interfere with things, because I'd be leaving the house or something and then, I checked how, I smelled and then because really, what I was doing there was often checking like to be certain. I'd put on deodorant, just like how I would you know to check, if I was clean, but like I would really I was checking to see if my hands were in pain.  There are some kind of things, there that would reassure me that, I had done this thing and so, if it wasn't a strong enough smell or something like that, I like, I couldn't be certain or even if I did smell it. Then, I would doubt whether or not like, what was that smell and then, I would have to you know either go back to shower again put on deodorant.

Whatever, was always doing stuff like that just checking but it started like a lot of it, would seem normal to a lot of people right. Maybe like check your breath before you talk to somebody, check messages again. Just check to make sure you send something, just check a message, that you received. Just to check and make sure you understood what they said, maybe, you're reading something and then your mind wanders off. So, you just check it, read it, over again checking numbers. We've talked about this before I was checking numbers, so much that, I could no longer believe numbers right and I would mess them up so much checking. But when I'm talking about that, I mean, it right from the most normal checking. I think this and this is the key thing.

We will look at more and more this stuff isn't, it's not irrational. We can even we'll always be able to come up with evidence of time, where times where we made a mistake, where we forgot something, where somebody else forgot something, somebody else messed something up. Especially, with the checking, we're gonna be. It's so easy to say no-no, like i'll just, check this once. It's not a big deal and that's always how it begins but a lot of people often bring up the example. i use in the book right after that part, we just read in the checking chapter on not going back. so not checking my gym bag, if I had remembered to bring my water bottle after. I left the gym because you know, i had already checked my in my memory. i was like, i can't remember if I grabbed it and so, then there's that urge there to like, why not just check my gym bag make sure i grabbed it, because i could just go back to the gym and get it if I forgot it. But it's in that moment the work, we do on this to really build up those mental fitness skills, is to notice that uncertainty and not check.

 It can seem totally like that can seem unreasonable like, why not just check. You're gonna forget your bottle, you're gonna like lose, who knows like 20 30. Whatever just check and that's where the work comes in you brought up something, that I think it is really good to mention. My workplace tends to encourage checking, so when I don't check it, actually makes other angst, others anxious. Really, common right especially even, when we're or not even especially. When we're cutting out compulsions, so often the systems around us push us into really unhealthy behaviours throughout. These coping the checking and the controlling if we and we've also often been seen as the ones, who have some controlling and checking superpowers. We may even see ourselves like, i'm always the one, who spots the mistakes that other people don't see. I am always the one that has everything together and if i don't everything will fall apart. So, I need to do it so then when we start to unwind the compulsions.

 Often it's very difficult for other people because they've developed a system around our compulsions. They might also have lots of controlling and checking compulsions and so we are creating uncertainty for them and if they don't have the healthy skills to handle that as a group. If we don't have the healthy skills to be proactive about what we're creating, it can cause a lot of difficulties and put a lot of pressure on us to push us back. (Continued------)

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